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This is the long and winding story that developed my daily rule. First inspired by years of therapy, the discovery of the rule of St. Benedict, the Enneagram, an inner awakening and later stewarded by the ecumenical sisters at Mt. Tabor Monastery in the hills of Appalachia. This daily rule, that I will explain with plenty of depth, helped me work through complex trauma and embrace a commitment to growing mentally, physically & spritually.
Learning to feel love in my body while holding the tension of the world in a way that feels safe only came after years of practice, contemplation, and asking lots of questions. Once I discovered the cause of my deepest pain I was able to get curious about ways to transform it into something that serves me and others well. In the days ahead, I'll slowly work through how I developed my rule and the flexibility it carries for each day, season, and the changing needs of family, work, and community. I hope that my story inspires you to find the sources of love and tension in your life. |
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Before I back up and share more of my story and the ways I uncovered layer after layer of trauma, joy, pain, and intuition I want to explain how I've landed on LOVE as the center of it all. It's only now that I've begun to experience serious growth through my complex trauma that I've discovered that any given moment I'm growing towards love or away from love, towards pain. A simple tool has become extremely beneficial to me and my gift to myself and anyone reading this is to offer it up as a resting place when this "work" gets too difficult. I sit in a quiet, safe place and begin taking slow, deep breaths. I feel myself grounded to the earth. My hand comes to my heart as I breathe ...in...and...out...in...and...out. I welcome love that place beneath my hand. Years of holding the tension here in this place means that this practice of breathing in love takes time, but over time, I can feel the love almost immediately as I place my hand there. Once I feel grounded in love I begin to feel the tension move out and away with each exhale. My opposite hand rests palm up in my lap. I breathe in love as it fills my body and I breathe out the tension of the world allowing it to spill down into my hand. Once I can feel only love within and then tension has moved safely to my hand I get curious. What is this tension? My busy to-do list, criticism, suffering in the world, conflict with someone I love. I hold it there in my hand with the promise that we will get to it, but only after LOVE is at the center of my body, mind and spirit. I repeat this exercise every time I can remember to and it helps me move towards a healthy place of being in the world.